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About Digital Art / Artist R. A. L.Female/Unknown Recent Activity
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R. A. L.
Artist | Digital Art
Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels,
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnizel with noodles,
Wild gees that fly with the moon on their wings...


Let's cut to the chase. I wish these were my favorite things, and that I was a pleasant person, but I am trapped in the shadow of the dystopian world I came from, and my favourite things don't even rhyme.

Syringes, quarantine, sickness, sedatives, paralysis

Small amounts of blood, weakness, states near death,

Unspeakable conditions, deprivation, sweat, grime,

The colour grey, tears, rain, darkness,

Vulnerable positions , agonized expressions,

Degradation, lostness, fear, need, breakdown to insanity,

Desolation, dilapidation, rubble

Ruin, apocalypse, gas masks, big guns, the Nuclear

Interrogation, experimentation, isolation, execution, war gone wrong,

Veils, blindfolds, hoods, defeat,

Restraints, jumpsuits, incarceration, capture, maximum security,

Brokenness, helplessness, possession, total control.


Sexuality, let alone fetishes, are against my religion.

I believe so strongly in inner strength, defiance, purity, transcendence, and dependence on nothing that my zeal is incompatible with my being human, thus, a dreadful demon of duality has sprung up inside of me to contend with my impossible devotion to the Religion of Resistance. The very essence of this cruel world wants to bring me down to its level by making that which I oppose with all my strength and despise with all my heart turn me on.

Or, as a a psychologist would say, my masochism developed as a coping mechanism to all that was constantly inflicted upon me for 18 years of my life. Inflicted upon me because I never once submitted. They say there are only four options--escape, lose your mind, submit, or grow to love the consequence of refusing to.

O, paradoxical me. Why, God, why would you make an anomaly, a contradiction, such as I? You forsake me to myself, O God, forsake me to myself. My colours clash, my waters swirl, you made it so yourself. I would rather be lost to chaos than remain precariously balanced here.

I escaped, but Fate would not let me go so easily. It had a final insult in store for me, a degrading addiction that I have tried everything to break out of, and I do mean everything. I swear to you, no one else on this planet has travelled so far, staked so much on success, fought so hard, only to fail and lose it all.

I'm imperfect and painfully human, but I figure as long as I remain ashamed of it, I have not yet been fully overcome. I am at the precipice of surrender, the end of the world, the edge of the earth, holding on with all I am.

At the same time, the dynamics of power struggle are beautiful and intricate when the sexual side of it is removed from the picture. I should just forsake it all, but if not for its penetrating artfulness, if not for the secret truths in it, it would not be a part of me.

There is also a frantic empathy that drives my fascination and my careful study. I love The Afflicted so deeply that I leave thousands of idle tears on their alter. I love them because I know them in and out. Unlike Jesus, I loveth my own. I would die to liberate any one of them. I would open my arms to their tears and never let them down. But, if I go through this life helpless as always, and all I can do is sketch, highlight, colour and unbury their suffering in my useless fucking art, that I will do.
Subject (noun):

1.  A person or thing that is being discussed, described, or dealt with.  
He is the subject of our criminal investigation.

2.  One that is placed under authority or control of another.
I am the interrogator and you are my subject.

3.  One that is acted upon.
She is the helpless subject of their cruelty.

4.  One who lives in the territory of, enjoys the protection of, and owes allegiance to a sovereign power or state.
He is a North Korean subject and the government wants him back.

5.  An individual whose reactions or responses are being studied.
Close the lab doors, our subject is escaping!

6.  A noun phrase functioning as one of the main components of a clause, being the element about which the rest of the clause is predicated.
"Farouq and his friends" is the subject of the sentence, "Farouq and his friends went to the store."

7.  A person or circumstance giving rise to a specified feeling, response, or action.
The prison camp is the subject of condemnation.

Subject (adjective):

1.  Likely or prone to be affected by (a particular condition or occurrence, typically an unwelcome or unpleasant one).
She is subject to migraines.

2.  Dependent or conditional upon.
Our lives are subject to fate.

3.  Under the authority of.
Guantanamo is not subject to state and federal laws.

4.  Under the control or domination of (another ruler, country, or government).
The colonies are subject to Great Britain.

Subject (verb):

1.  Cause or force to undergo (a particular experience of form of treatment).
Subject him to electric shock.

2.  Bring (a person or country) under one's jurisdiction or control, typically by using force.
Subject them!

Subjection (noun):

1.The act or process of subjecting or the state of being subjected.
His subjection to waterboarding caused her to drown.  
Her subjection of the bird made it die of a broken heart.

2.  Forced submission to control by others.
This is the end of the country's subjection to imperialism.

Subjective (adjective):

1.  Based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions.
There is always a danger of making a subjective judgement.

2.  Dependent on the mind or an individual's perception for its existence.
The existence of psionics remains subjective.

Objectify (verb):

1.  Express something abstract in concrete form.
The story objectifies freedom.

2.  Degrade to the status of a mere object.
The media objectifies men.

Subjectify (verb):  

1.  To make subjective.
Your witnesses are subjectifying the case!

2.  To interpret in terms of subjective experience.
The book subjectifies justice.  

3.  To degrade to the status of a mere subject.
It is time to subjectify you.

I am a subject.  All is conditional upon me and I have been conditioned.  All is dependent upon me and I have grown dependent.  The world revolves around me and I am trapped in its orbit.  

Am I your subject, or are you subject to me like one is subject to a disease?  
I am the element around which you are predicated.  Being a subject, I give rise to your action, while your attempts to control me are superficial.  

Act or be acted upon, they say, but it is a noble act to be acted upon and remain indifferent.  Subject does not mean "submissive."  I did not place myself under your authority and control.  I was placed under it and you are bound to discuss me, describe me, and deal with me.

Here in this place of isolation...I am dependent on your perception for my existence, and you are depend on my existence for your sense of control.  I, your subject.  

Which of us is the one?  Which of us holds the power?  The subjective.

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Sam-Owen Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
<3 for the fav!
magenta-territory Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fave!
robinski Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank You so much for the Deviantwatch!
tatehemlock Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Professional Photographer
Thanks so much for the faves!!
tarua Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the fav :hug:
Taiya001 Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:la::la::happybounce: THANK YOU FOR THE FAVE :happybounce::la::la:
MistressKain Featured By Owner May 2, 2013
hi and thank you so much for the fav!!! ^3^/ :heart:
DrawingsByTony Featured By Owner May 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave
Tarantulaz-cupcakez Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you very much for the fav!
Ellen-Souler Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you for the fav
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